realitycheck-in

i feel...

like im losing friends.
that im more judgmental than i let on or admit.
that i talk too much to the "wrong" people - wrong only because i feel what i tell them in confidence isn't so concealed.
like friends are talking about me - about concerns|judgments i have about them.
like people don't understand me anymore.

like running away|shutting myself out of lives|disappearing|hiding in my shell.

--

i read a friend's blog...and although "anonymously" talking about a topic...i really feel like its talking about ME.
i don't remember if we talked about that stuff recently. but its all about things i would have or have already said.

i try to blame others...
but there is no one truly to blame but myself.

it was mostly concern. honest concern.
then i guess it turned into disappointment and disbelief.
and now maybe its a little bit of jealousy and fear of them unwilling to trust me with certain things anymore.

maybe i should just cut my tongue off and keep shut from now on.
because i dont have the balls to be the one to confront.
dont know if i want to be the one confronted, either...