its been | a year

hello october 2009.

it has been a year since i left san diego and i can't believe it has happened so fast.

a lot has happened, but most importantly a deadline was reached.

i told myself to find a job in 3 months...then in 6...then a year. should i reach a year...i would consider going back to school.

finding a job has been the most difficult task i had set for myself since moving back to stockton. and i was almost out of hope...until yesterday.

i just want to say that i am so thankful | relieved | excited.

bring it ;D

3x | what you see | is not what you get

so i just noticed that my last 3 blogs were all in the emo|angry category.

i promise you i am not always like that.

and you'd think i would rather blog about happy things rather than the not so positive moments. but i guess i've been using this blog for venting.

i think its easier for me to write about the "bad" stuff because i need to get it out of my system.

just thought i'd let you know this isn't me 24|7.

i have my happy moments.

examples? sure.
-- had a good time making dinner (and dessert) with my sister for our mom and dad's birthdays.
-- ate the most amazing coffee creme brulee EVER.
-- fun times with my cousin for his birthday.
-- seemingly passed my photography passion to my Godson.
-- got to hang out with and rekindle my bestfriendship

see? i didn't forget you, happy memories.
and it's not really a suppression of you, either.
it's just that i'm too busy living it.
i hope that's okay.

my | patience

has been ridiculously tested this weekend.

thank goodness it will be over tomorrow.

i've never felt worse for being impatient|angry.

they are SO not getting my body language clues. and technically they are being rude.

generational gap?

question: who the heck speaks more during a tv show than when the commercials are on? WTF.

there hasn't been like..more than a minute of silence.

make it stop.
thanks.

i know you mean well | but

dont. just dont.
stop.

you have no idea what its like.
try to emphasize. please.
and stop badgering me about it every time you get a chance to breathe one word to me.

i'd rather you not bring it up.
i'll bring it up when there are updates. i promise. really.

i need to do this on my own.

breaking | point

my spirit is just completely crushed right now.

and while today wasn't one of those bad days (overall)...i think it was just the accumulation of several low points and keeping those feelings pent up for so long that i've reached my limit.

i had to let out these emotions today.

so i let out some tears.

i know i should talk it out...but i feel stupid and shamed. i want to be able to deal with this on my own.

i used to go to (la jolla) shores to clear my mind and de-stress. i wish i had an equivalent safe haven here.

so here's praying that this too shall pass.

gettin my | bling bling baubles | on

i attended an advanced wire working class today.
i was the youngest by a longrun.
i think that's supposed to make me feel good...right? haha.

anywho...i took a wire working class back in san diego and it has been good to me but ive been itching to get better at it and a learn a few more things.

well...
i now know how to make my own headpins AND jumprings! but i think im gonna lay off the jumprings...WAAAYYY too much work.
we ran out of time to learn the "basket weave"...so hopefully i can catch the instructor at another time.

the necklace i ended up making from the bracelets we worked on in class (got it? haha) is probably the most expensive thing i've made...well maybe aside from the bracelet i made in my first wire working class haha.

pikachures!
/*oh and that music note looking thing...i made that! im so proud of myself :D*/





and of course they are on my fb also [click|here]

yay <3

irritable | routine

i don't mind routine.
wake up. eat. stuff. eat. stuff. eat. stuff. sleep.
repeat.

routine is life.

but routine conversation? especially ANNOYING routine conversation?
please. don't torture me.

every(work)day, my dad greets me when he gets home from work.
normal right?
this is what he says when he sees me: "what are you doing?"
oh i dont know. how about a "hi" instead?

every(work)day, my mom calls the house phone to tell us she's on the way home.
normal right?
this is how my dad answers the phone: "are you home?" "no? aww..."
how about...she does this EVERYDAY. she's not home yet.

how does she handle this?
its so annoying.

love him. but argh.

and as with routine...
i'll probably be just as irritated tomorrow.
that's a routine i'd like to break, thanks.